Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
