make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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