True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
