Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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