Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
