why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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