he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
