Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
