But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
