so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
