i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
