Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
