She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
