is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
