grandma shit on top of the toilet
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
