O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
