my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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