It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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