Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
