Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
