Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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