Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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