Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize