cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
