chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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