I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
