my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
not ubering you a puppy
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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