OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
