just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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