I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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