he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
