I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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