Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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