don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
