OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
