I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
