Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
