He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
