I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
