Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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