I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
