thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
