Small penises have feelings too.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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