I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
