Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
