I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
