My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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