When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
