i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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