he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
