He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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